


Like a Man Possessed

by matan4il



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Jealous Robert Sugden, Jealousy, M/M, but will probably not be very canon compliant by the time the relevant ep/s air, oh well, reference to future canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:39:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: But Aaron was in his bones, was in his fibers and every other building block his body was composed of, so giving up was never in the cards for Robert. Just questions of what’s the right distance to stay away from Aaron, what’s the right way to give him the space he needed when Robert’s love was so all consuming. Until the new bloke, that is.We know a love interest is coming up for Aaron and these are the Robert and Robron reactions that I would pay up to 80% of my soul to have on screen. Since we probably won't, I'm totally going to pretend that this is exactly what's going to happen after the end of one of the relevant episodes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna write two chapters, but so far I only have the one, so.
> 
> 1\. Please be understanding if it takes me a moment to finish and upload the second chapter.  
> 2\. You're welcome to take the first chapter as a stand alone if you feel like it.
> 
> This is unbeta'd, which hurts my soul, but what can you do. Hope you enjoy nonetheless!

But Aaron was in his bones, was in his fibers and every other building block his body was composed of, so giving up was never in the cards for Robert. Just questions of what’s the right distance to stay away from Aaron, what’s the right way to give him the space he needed when Robert’s love was so all consuming. Until the new bloke, that is.

It’s so casual, the way Robert stumbles across them, seeing the two of them together, his husband, _his_ husband (because Robert has stopped having any other way of thinking about Aaron from the moment he first said those words, drunk not only on alcohol) with another guy showing interest. And Robert has to object. He burns with a desire to, to inflict as much hurt as humanly possible on this man for daring to even _think_ about any intimacy, about so much as a touch, between him and Aaron. The part of Robert's mind that can never accept things as they are is already laying before him half a dozen plans he could be using to exact revenge on this guy for his sheer audacity. And Robert has no right to. Aaron would hate it if Robert did anything, would pull even further away from him. No matter what he does, Robert's lost. It’s insane how casual it can be, the end of your world.

Where do you go to after that? Most people would probably say ‘home’. Robert knows the latest address that should be referring to. ‘Go home, Robert’ pounds repeatedly in his mind’s ear. He ends up outside the Mill, in the rain. It’s alright that he’s drenched already, he can’t feel that anymore. He listens to the familiar steps and their echo is so foreign. _His_ Aaron, his insides scream. ‘Never gonna be yours again’, the images replaying obsessively in his mind taunt back. ‘Never had been in the first place’, adds a dark part buried in his very core.

When Aaron reaches him, when they’re standing face to face and Robert is blinking the water away from his eyes as best he can, he wonders how many times, just how many times in his life has he been out here, in this rain. He tries to speak, but Aaron is close and beautiful, reflecting all possible promises of happiness for Robert, of feeling warmth again with his mere presence. There’s no explaining that, what Robert has lost, there are no sounds that can bring across this pain. He struggles to speak, shoulders heaving with every bit of effort. He fails. He stands there and fights simply to breathe.

Aaron is seemingly closer, but Robert can’t tell how. He can still feel his own lips moving soundlessly when he suddenly knows for certain that he didn’t imagine it. Aaron is so close, his body radiates heat that Robert’s is now soaking up. It illuminates Robert’s skin. Which one of them made the move, which took the step? All questions melt away as quickly as Robert does when their lips meet. It’s wet and liquid and stings with salt. It’s perfect. Robert tilts his head to deepen the kiss as naturally as his chest expands for oxygen. There’s a faint murmur inside his head, the shadow of a hope. ‘Robert. Come home.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter ended up being… quite different in writing to the previous one. There are two scenes here, intercut. One is the direct continuation of chapter 1 ( _this scene is italicized_ ) and the other is months down the line, a while after Robert and Aaron’s reunion. I wanted to keep both in the present tense because they are very much POV-centric, so using the past tense for either one would have felt wrong to me, too distant and estranged. That’s why I went for the italics instead, to still make it easier to tell the scenes apart. I hope it’s indeed not too confusing. But do let me know, constructive criticism is very much appreciated!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that I’d forgotten to mention at the start of chapter 1... The title of this fic is taken from The Get Up Kids’ song, Like a Man Possessed.

_Aaron doesn’t say any of the words Robert realizes he was hoping for and he doesn’t let them into the Mill either. Instead, the wall of the cottage ends up providing them with partial shelter from the rain as they kiss and grind against it and each other, clawing, scraping, biting. It’s clear where this is leading to as there’s no doubt in Robert’s mind that they’re both beyond the point of desperation almost from the start. The rain keeps hitting them now and again (depending on the angle in which it falls, depending on how the wind is carrying it, depending on how far they push each other with kisses and thrusts away from the wall before the heavy waterdrops force them back to it), always lightly dotting the two of them rather than dripping down their bodies or getting soaked up. In the dark shades surrounding them, some distant light reflects in those raindrops that have latched onto them and when Robert sees that shine, clinging here and there to Aaron’s skin, he can’t help but think, ‘stardust’._

  
***  


Aaron takes in the sight of Robert before him. The sight of his bright hair strands, dishevelled against the crisp, white linens. Of his profile, standing out in contrast with the cloud-like pillow. Of his eyes, tightly shut. Of his lips so red, swollen and fallen open in mute pleasure. It’s morning and such a bright one. They have the day off from work, the house to themselves, no commitments. The remains of their breakfast are getting cold in the tray dumped on the floor. All the windows in their bedroom at the Mill are open. So’s the door to the ensuite bathroom and the little window there. The air is moving around them, unobstructed. Someone’s been cutting grass outside and the smell is being carried inside with the gentle gust of the breeze. The border between this room and the outside world is a bit blurry at the moment. And it’s flowing through Aaron intensely, a wild kind of freedom. 

  
***  


_Robert’s senses are rather blocked for the most part. In spite of that distant light, the dominant darkness claims most of Aaron’s features and the heavy sense of rain surrounding them drowns out practically all smells. It doesn’t matter quite that much, because it’s Robert’s mind that is filled to the brim with Aaron and he doesn’t need anything more than that. He recognizes Aaron throughout this - whatever this clinging, bruising kissing is - like a blind man knows the world, through senses otherwise inaccessible. He feels Aaron, feels his need that no one can satisfy but Robert. During their affair days, that used to fill him with glee. This time, it’s breaking him apart, everything that he wants to give to Aaron, to make him happy, and now he can’t. Robert’s mind flashes back to the day of their engagement, to his struggle with water. Trying to stay above it as the waves threatened to pull him down. That’s how he’s kissing Aaron, probably for the very last time._

  
***  


Aaron’s been taking his time with Robert. With teasing and pleasuring him. They don’t always get to stay in bed like this. Regular life keeps getting in the way. Aaron sucks a path down Robert’s stomach. Sure, they’re young, hungry for each other and relatively recently reunited, but life seems to take no notice of that. He kisses Robert’s left hip. Or sometimes, what gets in the way is even worse than normal routine. He licks along a trail leading to Robert’s fair, curly bush. Stops just shy of it. Ghosts a kiss right next to where he knows he’s wanted. Mouths into Robert’s skin the reckless joy of this morning that they get to spend together. Aaron doesn’t reckon they ever took each other for granted. Their affair made sure of that at first. Later, the complexity of coming together after everything they’ve been through. All the same, there’s a new level on which he treasures this. Aaron expresses this sentiment on every body part he touches. On every patch of skin he worships with his fingers and tongue. Does it for what seems like hours. Could do it for more, if it wasn’t for Robert’s begging. “Aaron, please,” and that’s music. Being able to hear in Robert’s voice how badly he’s wanted. The way that Robert pronounces his name. Soft and enticing. Aaron’s never loved his own name as much as he does when Robert says it. He has no idea how he ever thought he stood a chance of staying away or of finding even a pale reflection of this with anyone else. He takes hold of his husband’s hand, waits for those blue-green eyes to open again, to catch up and re-focus on him before taking those beautiful digits in his mouth. 

  
***  


_Robert doesn’t tear any of Aaron’s clothes away. He doesn’t dare to and this right here is just one of the ways in which this night is reminding him that Aaron isn’t his anymore. As long as they’re kissing, as long as he just concentrates on the blood rushing through expanding veins, it’s fine. When Aaron finally takes the next step, it’s not gentle, as Robert knew it wouldn’t be. All of the anger is going to come out now, every self-destructive sentiment. Robert is ready for that, it’s not the first time he let Aaron take things out on him. He’d offered before and he would again. There is a weird comfort in knowing this was still something he could offer Aaron, a target to unload on. Only there isn’t, because the rage this time, the self-loathing, is over still wanting to have Robert like this. Is Aaron cheating in his own mind? Is he already committed enough to this doctor that this goes against his loyal nature? Robert notes that Aaron doesn’t remove any article of clothing, just unzips and moves things out of the way enough to have the access he requires once he turns Robert around and shoves him up against the wall._

  
***  


Aaron grins at Robert as he guides his husband’s fingers, slicked with spit, into his own body. Truth be told, he’s loose enough within a few short minutes. But still, he draws this out, fucking himself on Robert’s hand. Allowing himself to be felt from the inside. Aaron’s in better shape than ever, he can make this last as long as he wants to and he does, he wants. There is no part of Robert that he doesn’t want. He’s greedy for all of it now. True, abstaining from Robert was his choice. Then again, it was one he didn’t feel he had much freedom in making, given the circumstances. He knew, for the most part, he could have Robert back if he just said the words. Some people remarked this must have made being apart easier for him. What they didn’t see was that he’d lost a huge part of Robert even before he broke their marriage off. The part that would be a parent along with someone else. That would belong to another family instead of theirs. Not being together was torture. And only slightly more honest. Aaron smiles affectionately at the man he got to choose again, connecting them on this level too. Robert, never removing his fingers, makes the effort to draw them together with his other hand. “Your smile, Aaron,” he whispers before he kisses it deeply. When Robert pulls away, panting, still pushing their foreheads together, Aaron’s grin is even wider. “Your goddamn smile.” 

  
***  


_Aaron’s fucking is ferocious. Robert knows exactly why. They can both taste the end of this rushed encounter awaiting them. This would have to suffice, to sate them. But it won’t, it couldn’t. If there was one thing Robert has learned the hard way, it was that once was never enough for him when it came to Aaron. So they have to take everything that they can from this moment. Despite himself, there is a part to this that Robert can’t help but love. He knows more misery is on the horizon, but this right here, this is what keeps him kicking up, to stay above water. Being open for Aaron, raw and receptive. Letting this desperation, this longing between them imbue his soul. Sensing Aaron fill him with the tangible proof that it is mutual, still, always, despite any and all other parties involved. His knuckles against the wall are probably bleeding with the force with which they’re repeatedly pushed up against the wall. He’s surrendering to the way they can’t help themselves, so it’s better to bleed. It feels truer than any of the painful words that have been exchanged between them for weeks now. It’s a truth that’s impossible to handle, for both of them. A truth driven to his very core with every thrust from Aaron’s hips, with every groan punctured out of his own lungs. To be without Aaron. Robert closes his eyes and gives himself over to the sensations completely because this, this gritty sex in the rain leading nowhere, this is the less agonizing option._

  
***  


Aaron has Robert just where he wants him. Inside, buried to the hilt. Below, spread out and fucked out of his mind. Moaning louder every time Aaron practically slams himself down on Robert’s cock. Sighing whenever Aaron lifts himself off. On the verge of crying right before he tries to take some semblance of sanity back by grabbing onto Aaron’s torso. By joining in on its movement. By making enough space for himself to thrust his pelvis upwards. They move like one. They feel like one. Aaron finds his hands resting on Robert’s. Bracketing them. They talked more than people realized before their break up. They talk even more now. Try to better their communication. And Robert told him that Aaron did and did not change him. “You made me more myself,” he said. An example that he offered was liking sex. Robert always did, but never as much as he did with Aaron. He talked about their sex, that it touched his very core, fucking that taught him what he really wanted and love making that stripped him of all pretense. Aaron lifts one of Robert’s hands to his mouth and kisses the inside of it. Soft. Deliberate, for all the things he’s still finding himself struggling to say. Thankful, because the mark that they left on each other made him a truer version of himself, too. 

  
***  


_It’s over before Robert even has a chance to fully register that it took place. Aaron’s dick filled him and too soon after, withdrew. Robert is left aching, tries to hold on to the memory of fullness, but it’s not a battle he could ever hope to win. He’s still in the relative cover of the wall, but he can already sense the rain about to drench him, wash this night away from his body as soon as he takes one step away. How many times in his life has he been out here, in this rain, watching everything that mattered to him slip away from his grasp right in front of his eyes, powerless to do anything to change that? There’s still darkness between them, but he can no longer spot the drops of rain with some reflected light in them on Aaron. How would he be able to? After all, stardust is the stuff of fairy tales and those stories always dissolve before the morning breaks._

  
***  


It’s a glowing morning. They've already come twice each. “In no particular order”, Robert laughs at Aaron. “I know which order you’d prefer. Cheeky,” Aaron’s words chastise, but his grin doesn’t, his mouth and hands about to slowly coax his husband into full hardness again. He takes a second before that. The cock of the man lying beneath him is soft and spent. Beautiful at rest. Aaron knows enough about Robert's past proclivities. He's aware a lot of people have seen him when erect. Hardly any of them got to stay and witness this part. This vulnerability. This trust. They're Aaron’s. 

Robert never feels love like he does when he's with Aaron. It's coursing through him, vital and stronger than pulse: Aaron's love for him, shining at him out of the most beautiful pair of blue eyes. So pure and innocent even when in the middle of filthy acts. Robert never thought he’d get to experience this again and he lets it echo and intensify his own love for Aaron, his devotion. Returning to being them is worth every step along the arduous path he trailed for months, as much as it may not have seemed like it at the time. And now that they’re on the same page again, it's flowing freely through Robert, flowing fierce, intoxicating and intoxicated, as fundamental to all existence as the air blowing uninhibited in and out of their room with the daring joy of the undeniable. 

They’ve caught up on everything as soon as it was possible, filled in all the blanks for each other. Were in silent awe together over how they’ve never stopped belonging to each other even when they thought they did. It’s morning and such a bright one. All the windows in their bedroom are open. It’s _their_ bedroom again. And it’s flowing madly through the two of them, the freedom of a house that’s once again a home.


End file.
